Snider Rule #3 - Let's Have a Food Fight - No Thanks!

How to Ruin a Good Meal

My favorite time of the day ==> eating dinner with family and friends.  Lingering for over an hour eating, talking, discussing, sharing, and laughing. Time spent with people while sharing food is refreshing physically, emotionally and spiritually.

On the really good days, a wonderful aroma is lingering in the front yard and I catch it as soon as open the car door.  The sun is still up, the sky is blue and it is almost dinner time.  I'm getting hungry just typing this.

One thing that detracts from a pleasant meal is grumbling at the table.  It brings everyone down and deflates the person who spent time preparing the meal.  On the very rare occasion that Gina is too sick to cook, I can get apprehensive about planning a meal that everyone will like.  Back in the day with 11 people being fed each evening it was impossible to please everyone every night.  Most nights there was at least one person who wasn't going to enjoy the food as much as the rest of us.

Here is how Gina solved much of the angst and conflict around meals and children who could be picky eaters:

• Only prepare one meal that is shared by everyone
• You must taste every item on your plate. We want to develop an openness to new foods. Plus you learn that your taste change over time. What you once hated, you may enjoy when you get older.
• Only eat what you want and how much you want.  This is the number one way to avoid conflict at the table. With all our kids we rarely had any leftovers.
• Prepare a much loved dessert on nights we are testing a new recipe or it is challenging meal for several kids.  Gina was careful to put reasonable portions on the kids plate.  If she knew it was something they didn't like the portion would be small.  They had to finish their entire meal (or receive special grace) to get dessert.  This was an amazing way to motivate people to try something new.
• You don't have to eat anything you paid for!  Ok, ok I know what you are thinking but it was accepted by everyone. This was a special rule I came up with on the spur of the moment when being questioned by the kids about why my plate didn't have every item on it. I didn't use it very often but there are a couple things I hate, so I pulled rank on the kids.

I can't wait for dinner tonight!

Unsolicited Parenting Advice #1 - Get Off the Couch

It is always best to wait for someone to ask for advice before giving it. When I humble myself to ask for advice, it means I will listen.  

I'm gong to break that rule and tell you something that helped me be a better dad.  I don't remember who encouraged me in this but here it is...

Get off the couch.

• Get off the couch and go to your kids the next time you hear them arguing.  Don't call them over to you just get up and calmly walk over.
• Get off the couch and walk over to your wife and give her a hug.  Don't make her stop what she is working on and walk over to you.
• Get off the couch and get on the floor with your young children instead of sitting them next to you on the couch.
• Get off the couch and kick the ball around with your kids.

I was amazed at the difference it made in family relationships and it was good for my health at the same time.

Ok, I feel better now. That's off my chest.  I just get this way sometimes.

Snider Rule #2 - What is your job?

Gina and I spotted Gus the van last week.  Most of you know, Gina drove a 12 passenger Ford Club Wagon for many years.  We bought the van the Spring of 1997 and sold it Winter 2012.  A family just a few blocks away bought the van but we haven't seen it driving around much and wondered if it broke down or had some problem.  Well, we were at Hanni's basketball game and the van was in the parking lot. When I entered the gym I spotted the couple that purchased the van and it turned out their daughter was on the team we were playing against.  So Gus lives on.

Here is a picture of Gus.  He was also called Megacooper - but only after I hand painted the roof white to cover up some rust spots.

Here is a blurry picture of Gus.

Seeing the van got me to reminiscing about driving the entire family around town.  That led to me thinking about another quirky thing our family did.  Gina would say the same thing to everyone  each time we embarked on a trip to visit friends or really anyone.  She would turn to the back and say ----

WHAT IS YOUR JOB WHEN WE GET THERE????

Everybody responded enthusiastically (we had to work at that sometimes) ----

MAKE SURE EVERYONE ELSE HAS A GOOD TIME!

We all benefited from this encouragement.  It is a good thing to be reminded the world doesn't revolve around us and that one way to love our neighbor is to make sure they have a good time.

The big surprise is discovering that when we stop focusing on ourselves and think of others first we end up having a better time too!

Gina is a wise woman. 

Link to Rule #1 - Best Rule Ever!

Checklist for a Dad Recipe

Every guy should have a few go to meals or side dishes.  For a dish to make the "DAD LIST" a few critical criteria must be met:

• Taste Amazing - I rarely cook and when I do it needs to be impressive.  
• It has your signature - I want everyone in the family to say  - "We love when Dad makes ________". I want to make a memory as much as I want to make a meal.

Involves fire or the grill - It is way more fun to cook with fire and the kids love it.  The grill is a good backup because it is still outside

Your kids can help and they will actually enjoy helping.

• Your wife likes when you cook it and would prefer not to go to the hassle of making it.  I add this because once my wife starts making a dish it is always better than when I make it.
• Breakfast items are really good choices because your wife can get some extra sleep or spend the morning getting some time to herself.
• Use a piece of special equipment for example - waffle iron.  I also have a cast iron skillet that everyone calls "Dad's Skillet.

Best Snider Rule Ever! - According to the kids

Wouldn't it be great to have a serious conversation with your kids about rules.  One where you could ask them what rules do they think are effective, fair and realistic.

About a year ago we had just such a conversation.  During Christmas everyone was at the house and the kids had a discussion where they came to the unanimous agreement on the very best Snider Family Rule.  Did I mention it was UNANIMOUS - believe it or not everyone agreed.  This doesn't happen often! 

Now at that point our kids were 25, 23, 21, 20. 17, 16, 14, 11 and 8 years old.  Some married, some with children of their own, some single living on their own, and others living at home.  So it comes from those still living under our rules and those just looking back in the rear view mirror of our family life.

"WHAT WAS THE BEST SNIDER RULE?"

The answer: 

PLEASE STOP!!

Any person in the family could say these simple words and everyone - parents included had to stop.

Why would we ever have a rule like that and why was regarded so highly?

This picture helps put things in perspective:

This was taken when we only had 5 children and Gina was 2 weeks from delivering number 6.  Everybody looks happy but any parent taking a look at that crew can see that things could get out of hand pretty quickly if there was no rule of law.

The simple - Please Stop Rule helped our family respect and look out for each other.  Some of the reasons it is a good rule:

• The youngest and weakest always had an outlet when they felt overwhelmed, picked on, or backed into a corner.
• All the children knew the day would come where they would benefit from this simple rule. So it was rigorously enforced by everyone.
• We (Scott & Gina) benefited because it created a pause where we could sort out what was going on and deal appropriately with the situation.
• The children could use it with us. For example if Scott was wrestling or tickling one of the kids they might be squirming around or even running away.  Now you can't be sure if they want to keep playing or really want to stop.  We all knew just say "Please Stop" and it would. Many times one of the younger kids would be wrestling with an older sibling and might start to whimper.  The other kids would say - "say please stop and they have to stop".

What do you think?